POKEYMON REVALOOSHUN
by Stupidfic
Summary: a Pokemon goes emo and starts a revolution!


It was another day in the Pokemon world as a trainer was training his Pokemon.

The trainer said to his currently motionless animal "come on Absol, the Pokemon League will start tomorrow!"

The Absol, however, didn't want to train. In fact, he hated training. He was sick and tired of being a mere pawn for this pathetic child. All the Absol wanted in life was to breed with some attractive Pokegals, but his master ignored his pleas. And it wasn't his fault for not bothering to learn human language because he was way too superior and awesome to do such a thing.

"Absol…" spoke the trainer as he poked his furry pet "Absol, why aren't you doing anything? Absol!"

The Pokemon, having enough with the damn poking, screamed "I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING TRAIN FOR THE FUCKING POKEMON LEAGUE! AND MY NAME ISN'T ABSOL IT'S HJJF9 AND I TAKE GREAT PRIDE IN MY NAME!"

"…Does that mean your ready to train now?" asked the boy who only heard Absol say his name multiple times.

Hjjf9 finally snapped. This miserable life had to end NOW! He grabbed a chainsaw and ran to the human.

The Absol shouted in fury "DIE YOU BASTARD!!!"

Then he got sucked into his poke ball.

"It's getting late, we'll train tomorrow" the Pokemon trainer said unaware what danger he was nearly in.

A while later, it was midnight. Hjjf9 escaped from his poke ball and snuck off while his trainer was sleeping. As Hjjf9 was running through a forest, he began to think about the rest of the Pokemon captive by the merciless humans. Something needed to be done, and he had just the idea.

"I'll start a revolution!" he declared proudly.

But how could he start it? He remembered his ex-trainer talking about the Pokemon League and thought causing havoc there would be a good way to make a revolution. But it couldn't do it alone, he would need help, and lots of it. The Absol began his search in the woods he was running through, and spotted an Ekans lurking in some grass.

"Hey!" Hjjf9 shouted to the Ekans "let's go kick some human ass and start a revolution!"

The Ekans replied "I am sorry, but I do not know how to talk as I am a wild Pokemon and have no knowledge of communication."

"But your talking to me right now!"

"Go horse radish a car door and let me apple, addition cowboy bowling!" The Ekans bit the Absol and fled into the darkness.

Hjjf9 concluded that wild Pokemon were a bad idea, so he went to look for Pokemon that were owned by those damn humans. A Pokemon Center was nearby, and entered it.

Nurse Joy noticed the four-legged Pokemon and cooed "aw, you look hurt, do you need to be healed?"

Hjjf9 said "shut the fuck up" and punched the nurse unconscious. He went into the backroom and saw dozens of poke balls. He opened them all, releasing various Pokemon.

"What's going on?" a Slugma wondered.

"My fellow brothers" Hjjf9 began "for centuries we have been labeled as Pokemon or 'Pocket Monsters.' It is time we make a change and get our freedom that we deserve. Join me and let us fight against the human oppression!"

"Yeah!" shouted an Octrillery "I'm getting sick of being loved and cared by my trainer!"

"And I'm tired of having warm and comfy shelter in my poke ball!" a Sandshrew piped in.

"And I had enough of all the delicious free food I can get everyday!" a Skitty yelled.

At that moment, all the Pokemon were roaring with energy as they joined Hjjf9's cause. The next day the revolutionaries marched to the Pokemon League stadium.

Hjjf9 shouted to his army "it's time to show we aren't mindless fighting machines by merciless slaughtering everyone inside this building. Are you ready?"

"HELLZ YAH!" the revolutionaries loudly answered.

"Okay, then CHAAAAAAAARGE!!!"

The Pokemon went full speed to the stadium, however they had a problem…

"We can't get in!" a Goldeen cried "they have a highly complex defense system!"

The defense system the fish out of water was referring to was the front door. All the Pokemon were pushing on it, even though it clearly had the word 'pull' in giant letters.

"Damn those bloody humans and their advance technology!" Hjjf9 cursed "now how are we going to get in?"

A Ninetales spoke "uhh… I think they have an entrance in the other side."

"TO THE OTHER SIDE!"

The Pokemon ran to the other side of the stadium. There wasn't another entrance, but there was hundreds of Team Rocket members armed with Pokemon-snatching machines!

A Diglett squeaked "oh shit, it's a trap!"

All the Pokemon tried to flee, but were soon nabbed by Team Rocket grunts. The one who wasn't captured was the Ninetales.

Njjf9 asked in shock "why did you betray us?"

The fox Pokemon said "because I'm a heartless bastard. Take 'em away, boys!"

The Absol screamed as he was put into a van, his screaming muted as the door was closed.

-

543757013457435634561347665156999999145 years later, all the humans died of second-hand smoking and Pokemon were the dominate species! Well, some of them were…

"Go faster!" a Charizard shouted as he whipped the Pokemon working on a farming field.

A Grimer slave tiredly asked "so why do poison types have no civil rights?"

"Because poison types suck and are considered worthless!" the Charizard answered "and just for asking such a stupid question, I'm chopping off your testacles!"

And they all lived happily ever after.


End file.
